The hardest thing I've ever had to do.... ever
#16
I think a face to face interaction would be good. I remember the chat rooms. A couple of problems I also recall were the time it took to type a reply which could foul up the flow of the conversation. Several times there were several different trains of thought going on and it was confusing to figure out which one you were responding to.

From what I have seen Zoom is good. My wife, daughter, and son use it frequently. My wife who is the least tech savy of the house has even setup meetings with it.
Tom
Silence is golden but Duct tape is silver
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#17
Just an update, I've had several Skype visits with my wife, she seems distracted easily but we at least could see each others face, even if it was on a screen. Yesterday, after testing negative for Covid19, I was able to visit her in person.  It went about as well as you could ask for seeing as how I was hidden behind all that PPE garb, (gown, gloves, mask and face shield), her with a mask on, and we had to stay 6' away from each other. She has aphasia (cannot speak coherently), so verbal communications are out of the question, although she does understand some of what is said, she cannot respond, but did indicate that she knew who I was. She is doing as well as she can considering her condition. I get frequent reports from different caretakers on how she's doing.

All-in-all, she's in good hands and is taking care of by professionals much better than I could do, so I'm content knowing that she's in the right place for the care she needs. I'm just hoping that this virus thing is behind us soon so she can see my face and hold my hand and maybe give us both some satisfaction that all is well with each other.
Don (ezdays) Day
Board administrator and
founder of the CANYON STATE RAILROAD
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#18
Don, I just want you to know I read your updates and I care about you. Other than that I know there is nothing I can say that will help you through. Just knowing we care should help.
Charlie
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#19
Don - my sympathies with you and your wife during this struggle. I completely understand the desire to at least be able to hold hands. Always know that you can vent your frustrations here. We're all here for you.

Tom
Life is simple - Eat, Drink, Play with trains

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#20
Hello Don---often non-verbal communication is stronger than words---your presence and smile is all that is needed.We all pray that better days are ahead.
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#21
Thank you all for your understanding and support. I left feeling that some evil thing has taken over her mind and body and that it's not the same woman that I married. I know that there's no chance of improvement, so I need to accept things for what they are. I did talk to the nurse in charge of her and to her activity director, an so I did feel grateful knowing that she's being cared for well and by people that know what to do and are not afraid to do it. I think it would help us both though if we didn't have all these restrictions and we could actually see and touch each other.
Don (ezdays) Day
Board administrator and
founder of the CANYON STATE RAILROAD
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#22
Don,
A friend of mine had to put his wife in assisted living for alzheimers. He went every day at meal times and helped her eat until she passed. She didn't recognise him. To her he was the strange man who came to feed her, but it helped him stay close to his wife until she passed.
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#23
(09-10-2020, 12:38 PM)Russ Bellinis Wrote: Don,
A friend of mine had to put his wife in assisted living for alzheimers.  He went every day at meal times and helped her eat until she passed.  She didn't recognise him.  To her he was the strange man who came to feed her, but it helped him stay close to his wife until she passed.

Thanks for the insight Russ, just that you wouldn't be able to do that in today's environment. That may change by year's end, but until then, no one gets that close to their loved ones. I was fortunate that they're starting to open to visits, even with all the restrictions and rules.

I just finished another video visit, and it went a lot better today than before. They say it could take a few tries before they work, but it went a lot better than yesterday's in-person visit. She responded with a "yes" to a few of my questions, seemed to recognize me and did smile once. Of course, neither one of us had our faces covered up like we did yesterday, so that helped a lot.
Don (ezdays) Day
Board administrator and
founder of the CANYON STATE RAILROAD
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#24
What you are dealing with is hard enough without the restrictions that this damn virus imposes. Hopefully they will have a vaccine soon.
Mike

Sent from my pocket calculator using two tin cans and a string
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#25
(09-11-2020, 06:22 AM)Tyson Rayles Wrote: What you are dealing with is hard enough without the restrictions that this damn virus imposes. Hopefully they will have a vaccine soon.

Yeah, that really makes it tough. There are some that haven't had physical contact since March, folks with memory issues can forget a lot in that time. My goal is to be there as often as I can, but until this virus thing lets loose, a video visit seems to work much better than a physical one.

I just got a 10-page "Plan of Care" for my wife from the care facility. It includes what their goals are for her in every aspect possible, and follows with the head nurse's assessments in each of those areas. Quite comprehensive and tells me that she's in the right place for the care she needs.

Thanks again everyone for listening and understanding.
Don (ezdays) Day
Board administrator and
founder of the CANYON STATE RAILROAD
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#26
Don i know this is probably the hardest time in your life  but you sound like your dealing with it as well as you can some times  its easer to deal with the physical death of a loved one verses the living death that faces us in these times , science has prolonged the body longer but what can be done for the mind is lagging behind in keeping up with what can be done for the body ..
not to sound preaching but some times turning to prayer can help.
Jim
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#27
(09-14-2020, 09:58 AM)jim currie Wrote: Don i know this is probably the hardest time in your life  but you sound like your dealing with it as well as you can some times  its easer to deal with the physical death of a loved one verses the living death that faces us in these times , science has prolonged the body longer but what can be done for the mind is lagging behind in keeping up with what can be done for the body ..
not to sound preaching but some times turning to prayer can help.
Jim

I've said it before, God didn't make our bodies to last as long as science has managed to do for us, therefore, our parts are wearing out  faster than these scientists can keep up with finding ways to deal with the results. I'm managing as best I can, and prayer has always been an important part of our lives and I take solace in knowing that I have friends here that care and that my wife is in good hands.
Don (ezdays) Day
Board administrator and
founder of the CANYON STATE RAILROAD
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#28
Sorry to read this Don. Sad

I have watched two grandmothers go through this.  Each of my grandfathers took a different approach.  Trust me, as hard as this is, you made a good choice.  I am glad she is in a place just up the street from you.

Take care,
Kevin
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#29
(09-16-2020, 05:35 PM)nachoman Wrote: Sorry to read this Don. Sad

I have watched two grandmothers go through this.  Each of my grandfathers took a different approach.  Trust me, as hard as this is, you made a good choice.  I am glad she is in a place just up the street from you.

Take care,
Kevin

Thanks Kevin, I think you met my wife when we went down to that Hobby Bench many years ago. You're right, as hard as it was, the option to keep her at home was not a viable one. I will get another video visit tomorrow, they seem to be going a bit better, and they say she is adapting to where she is which is a good thing.
Don (ezdays) Day
Board administrator and
founder of the CANYON STATE RAILROAD
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